Can you see that I can't breathe?

Look at what you've done,
The mess you've made of me,
I can't even function,
I can't even breathe.

I turn to so many,
Other things to fill me,
Only to leave me unsatisfied,
Empty and worthless.

Why did you leave me,
Left here to rot and die,
Bonded in my emptiness,
With a smile to disguise.

Just Another Poem :)

You pull me in closer,
I catch my breath,
My heart beats faster,
With just one glance.

Your eyes intoxicate me,
With just one look,
Can't get enough,
I guess I'm hooked.

You know how to make me laugh,
And even smile too,
Incredible and surprising to me,
That I got to meet you.

You :)

Brown hair,
Gorgeous eyes,
Captivates me by surprise.

Warm smile,
So sincere,
Stay a while,
Right now and here.

Amazing laugh,
So genuine and true,
I think I like that about you.

Glad I've met you,
What can I say?
You know how,
To make my day.

Satisfy

My heart is dry,
My face is numb,
My hands are cold,
I've come undone.

My hair- a mess,
Disheveled through,
Hours thinking,
Of me and you.

My hands reach for water,
My lungs beg to breathe,
Will you stay,
To satisfy me?

I stretch my arms,
And grab for more,
My eyes- they plead,
Will you satisfy and rescue me.

Her All Was Not Enough

This girl right here is empty,
Can you see it in her eyes?
She's sick of being used,
Her smile- a disguise.

She's tired of being lonely,
Has given up on true love,
It's always the same old song,
Repeating to be left unsung.

Rainclouds storm in her wearied soul,
Raindrops awaiting to fall,
She's had enough, she's done with this,
Because she gave it her all.

*Wrote this on the way coming home from Florida.

So Where Do I Go From Here...

Right or left,
Here or there,
Upside down or anywhere,
Left without a care.

Loneliness is one’s company,
Walls fade to a shade of green,
From another fading day to an endless night,
The words you said remain with me.

Confusion strikes with the blow of a hammer,
One mistake led to another,
A lie became impossible to forget,
So how can you ever leave this behind?

Shades of summer bring about another year,
But where do you even go from here,
Chasing dreams led to nowhere,
Only to leave me cold and bare.

A blue mug of coffee,
An empty room,
A book to delve into,
To keep me from remembering you.

*Also wrote this on the way down to Florida.

Her Empty Smile

Can you see her spirit drop,
Can you see her head fall,
Can you feel her heart break,
As she holds it in with a half-hearted smile.

Can you read her every thought,
Can you know how hard she falls,
Every time she sees that face,
The scars re-open and the wounds grow deeper,
Do you see how hard she conceals all these?

Can you feel the sting behind her every tear,
Can you ache with the tiredness of every sleepless night,
Can you feel the wall she’s built around her,
Can you experience the fear inside her heart,
Do you know she’s afraid to be alone?

Are you aware of the memories she hides beneath that face,
Are you aware of the pain when she walks into the same room,
Are you aware of all the salt that is poured into her wounds,
Are you aware that no one knows,
Truth is, she probably covers it quite well,
Hidden beneath an empty smile.

*Wrote this on Wednesday on the drive down to Florida.

"You Dared.."

I wrote this song a couple weeks ago like around the middle of May. I was struggling after a breakup and wanted to write a poem to get my feelings out because that usually helps a lot. Anyways to make a short story even shorter it turned into a song rather than a poem. So here it is, and I hope you like it :)

Verse 1:
A beautiful symphony,
You and me- a distant memory,
Things flood in and out of my mind,
You could have just left me for dead,
And I wouldn't have cared,
What you did to me was far much worse, but you dared..

Chorus:
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
Yet just one look can break me down,
And I am shattered, Oh, I am shattered

Verse 2:
Moving on, it doesn't feel right,
But you were a lost cause,
Why even bother to fight,
You had your chance to win my heart,
To patch me up and to restart,
Maybe I wasn't worth it,
Yet you still had the nerve to,
Still felt the nerve..

Chorus:
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
Yet just one look can break me down,
And I am shattered, Oh, I am shattered

Bridge:
So throw away our love,
Like you know you want to,
I'll suffer in silence,
Just like I always do,
As you, decide to..

Chorus:
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
Yet just one look can break me down,
And I am shattered, Oh, I am shattered

Chorus:
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
Yet just one look can break me down,
And I am shattered, Oh, I am shattered

A Part of Me

A warm summer breeze,
Rushes over me,
Is this where I'm meant to be,
Because I don't know.

I lost a part of me,
Quite significantly,
And now it's gone,
Is it really time to move on,
I'm feeling lost.

Summer sun and a cool breeze,
Reminding me of you and me,
It's just a memory,
Too quickly lost,
A fading dream.

Hope withers day by day,
Each night I beg and pray,
For strength now,
I've got to get by- somehow,
Just to breathe now.

Days go by with passing clouds,
Nights lit up by stars above,
It's so beautiful,
Do you remember me and you,
Because I do.

One wish to pass on by,
Take a breath and close my eyes,
It's really over,
But it's not the end,
I won't break, I'll learn to live again.

As I wait for you to come around, but you never do...

Say some words,
Break a heart,
It's all the same to you.

Curse my name,
Make me feel,
All the pain you want me to.

Push me back,
Far away from you,
Knowing or feeling no shame.

Tell me lies,
And disown me,
Even forget my name.

Finish me off,
Shatter me to pieces,
Just like you always do.

Because I'm sick of sitting around,
Not knowing or even caring,
Because what else can I do?

Done with being here,
Worn thin of just waiting,
In hopes of a better you.

Random Thoughts of Nothing-ness..

Found some old Cd's my dad had burned me from forever long ago. In the midst of them, two Nathan Beaver Cd's that I had forgotten about. I've forgotten how amazing these songs are and his lyrics. Music for the soul. If you've never heard him, definitely look him up, his music is incredible. The lyrics are so true and full of thought and ah- I just absolutely love it. Haha doubt he remembers me and my dad, who knows maybe he does- still wish I could have had his brother, Andy Beaver, as a teacher at Dominion. Sadly at the time he was there, I was just a little tot. Haha. Man time really does fly. I cannot believe I am gonna be a junior next year. That just seems so ridiculous. I don't feel that old. I'm ready to be grown up and such but at the same time it just seems so odd. Haha. Ugh so on a different note, life is stressful in so many ways lately. Where would I even begin...Yeah. I've been so stressed that I've had writer's block and haven't been able to write any decent poetry worth posting on here- ehhh.

Today seemed to be the worst of all. Maybe I'm just moody because it's the end of the year or maybe just because it seems like anyone and everyone is pushing my buttons just the right way- ugh. One more week plus finals then summer. Which I was so excited for..Eh kinda excited still but not as much. Lately with situations and daily crap, it seems to get less and less exciting *whatever oh well*. So yeah story of my life- blah blah blah. I'll just shut up now. Not much left to say. Just tired and done with trying to please everyone in every way they possibly want me to- all the while just sitting back and being unhappy. I'm done, I've had enough. I'm not perfect and no matter what I do I can't seem to please anyone no matter how hard I try.

I could really use some coffee now and a good book...

Till something better comes to mind or my brain can actually function to write something worthwhile...

-Me :)

Giving Up Just Seems So Easy...

I'm giving up on happiness,
Not much else that I can do,
When I finally think I've achieved it,
Something snatches it from my view,
Why even bother trying?
He obviously wants me to be blue,
So rip my heart out, go ahead,
I know it's what you want to do.

I try to make you understand,
But you don't give a damn,
I try to please you endlessly,
But nothing I do ever can,
I'm sick of trying to make you happy,
When its breaking up my heart,
I thought life was finally looking up,
Until you ripped that apart.

So why not just give up?
Why bother to even try?
This is what you wanted,
I can see it in your eyes,
So strip me of every happiness,
And you'll be my demise.

Free Falling, Now I'm Where I Wanna Be.

Slow right down,
You spin around,
Never felt better,
With your feet firmly planted on the ground.

Things finally turning around,
Wondering why you ever hit the ground?
Maybe its the best things that go unrealized,
Dreaming again, without sleepless nights.

Catch your breath,
You needed a break,
A cloud can only hold so much weight.

Take a chance to realize,
Maybe things will be just fine,
Plaster and Re-wallpaper your heart,
Pick yourself up, begin to restart.

Flowers may fade,
And people change too,
What seems to be dead, can be made new,
But both continue to live- again.

Look At What You've Done...

Just when I think I am doing better,
That I'm slowly becoming okay,
I fall apart all over again,
Just to look at the pieces,
Of a broken heart.

Strong. Because you can't break me.

You fall so hard,
Pick up the pieces,
You move on,
Because you know he's not worth it.

Friends sweep up the shards,
Of your broken heart,
They glue and tape,
And fix every single part.

The smile that lifts you up,
A kind word to encourage,
Your wearied soul,
Breathing, You feel overjoyed.

To think it was the end,
Was so very wrong,
You showed me how to live again.

Feeling so light and all my burdens lifted,
You keep me pressing on,
Thank you for your kindness,
So that I can keep going strong.