As The Sun Shines...

4/27/09

Moving On

Reminisce the memories,
Sweet accord to a settled past,
The times I spent with you and me,
In the end, just didn't last.

Moving on- I have no fear,
I have a broken heart, it's true,
Awaiting for a better year,
As I slowly try to forget you.

Maybe someone new can come along,
To heal and patch up this shattered heart,
Don't worry about me; I'll be strong,
You've given me a chance to restart.

To start again, something amazing and new,
A chance to breathe, to be renewed,
I loved you with my whole heart,
But it's time to move on and to restart.

**It's been hard but moving on is the best thing for me. And by God's grace I'll make it through. I won't let this break me.

4/21/09

A Last Goodbye...

This pain that runs so deep,
Only a memory to keep,
The love I thought was mine,
I thought in the end, that we'd be fine.

I loved you more than you probably care,
Feeling so bruised and broken and bare,
I thought that you felt the exact same,
I guess it was just a stupid game.

Forever and always is what you said,
A lie that I always did dread,
Till you finally told me that we're through,
And showed me that your love was never true.

*Broken so bad, but he probably doesn't even care. If only he knew how I felt about him. If only he could love me no matter what. I wish I had never believed him, because once again I'm left here trying to pick up and put back together the pieces of a shattered heart. I love you even though you don't love me anymore.

4/10/09

Is this my fate?

I hate this,
This sucks so much,
Do you even care anymore?
Do you ever stop to think,
Hmm this might actually end up hurting her in the long run,
Its not fair, at all, it hurts me so much more than you know,
I shouldn't have to put up with this,
I love you and wish you wouldn't do this to me,
I wish you could see,
The brokenness inside of me.

4/9/09

Broken Down...

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster,
All because of you,
Things seem to be going great,
And then it all falls through,
And you don't even realize what it does to me,
You never understand because you can't see,
The late nights spent laying in bed,
Either contemplating or crying over some things you may have said,
And it's a ride that wears me out,
Wearing thin down to the core,
Feeling somewhat empty, and wanting something more,
Is this a ride that never ends,
When will it all just stop,
And go back to the way it should be,
Between you and me.

4/8/09

For You... <3

I miss you more,
Than you even know,
This separation breaks my bones,
Rips at my heart, I'm broke down to tears,
I keep reminding myself- It's only a year.

I wish you were here to hold me tight,
To sing me songs and kiss me goodnight,
To wipe away all my tears,
And to conquer all my deepest fears.

I replay over and over the fondest memories,
The ones of last summer,
The ones of you and me,
I miss those times more than words can say,
I'd give anything to have those days.

It's so hard being alone- without you,
And I know you miss me too,
But at least I know after this hard time,
You'll still be here, and You'll be mine.

M.E.L. I miss you...

I can't stand who you've become,
I can't stand how I am either,
I hate this fighting and the breaking of hearts,
We used to be so close,
And since this past November,
I've put up walls to keep you out,
Maybe not to keep you out,
But to hide the hurt I feel,
You don't understand me anymore,
And I don't think you ever will.

4/2/09

Thin Down To The Core...

Nothing seems right,
Everything is all wrong,
Turned upside down in the blink of an eye,
As I lay down and wonder why,
Why is this hard, why does it have to be me?
I'm breaking down day by day,
And wearing down thin to the very core,
Sometimes I feel like I can't take this anymore.
All this hurt and all this pain,
It's just a stupid game,
No one wins, in fact, we both lose,
To the downfall created by me and you,
Will it ever get better, will this pain go away?
I long for the way things were those days,
I'm sick of the tears keeping me up at night,
I'm sick of every stupid, pointless fight,
I want you back, I wish I didn't have to wait,
It's killing me inside day by day,
I need some strength, God help me now,
I've got to get through this, in some way, somehow,
I need you Lord, there's nothing for me to lean on,
Because sometimes I don't even feel like going on,
Be with me now and be with me here,
Take away all these scars, these fears,
Keep me pressing on through this hard time,
Thank you God, for You are mine.

How I feel now...

My heart is shattered into millions of little pieces,
You can't ever repair, and you don't even care.
If I was lying dead, cold on the pavement,
You would probably walk by without even a glance.
So this is what it come down to between you and me,
You leave cold and bitter- not caring what you've done to me,
And I leave this world- dying and empty.

*I had a rough night. Cried myself to sleep. I'll be okay though.

3/29/09

Thoughts on Today...

So today was okay, got to hang out with Catherine.
That was fun.
But that was really the only fun I had today.
Still wondering though,
Is this ever gonna get easier God?
When? And why me?
When will you take this hurt from me?
What did I do to have to go through this...
It doesn't feel fair, and yeah yeah I know,
"Life isn't fair but everything happens for a reason"
I wish i just knew what that reason was
And I wish God that you would take this away,
I'm so sick of this pain and hurt.
I want things to be good in my life again.
I want my parents not to fight and to not have to need to go to counseling.
I want my mistakes taken back and things with that situation go back to being good again.
I wish I wasn't unsure of who I can truly trust or not. I want my happy life back.
I'm so tired of feeling like this.
Please God, if possible, make this go soon.

Breaking Point

I'm on the edge of breaking point,
Not knowing what to do,
God give me strength to face each day,
Because I'm barely making it through.

I'm hanging here out on the edge,
Hanging by a thread,
My hope is fading too,
God cleanse my heart and make me clean,
And heal all these wounds.

3/28/09

The Fire...

Why such passion?
Why this desire?
Don't they know,
You get burned by the fire.

Bex <3

Don't give up.
Don't lose hope.
The road is hard.
But I gotta let you know.
You are loved more than you know.
Your friendship- I treasure more than
Words can expose. I understand what you
Are going through- Because I've been there too.
To die? I'll admit it- I've considered that option too.
But it's not worth it, there are so many who need you.
I need you more than you probably know or can understand,
You're the only one I really and truly get and can relate to.
I don't know what I would do if I lost- I can't even imagine the thought.
You're too precious to me, the only one I deeply connect to. So yeah,
Life is hard, and at times you completely feel like giving up. I've been there
And done that, and I know I've screwed up so much in my life, but it is worth
Pressing on. The end prize will be worth it so please girl, continue on.

I love you Becca for what its worth and I love you no matter what and exactly the way you are. You are truly one of my best friends I have ever had. I truly treasure our close friendship. It is such a blessing to me, it really truly is. I'm so blessed by you in my life and I thank God for giving me a friend like you that I can tell you absolutely anything and you won't judge me for my mistakes, you won't tell anyone else, you can support me and encourage me. You're the only one I can open up to and not feel like I'm being judged or anything. You are so sweet and precious to me and I'm so glad we are such close friends and we can relate so well. It's been so hard not having anyone to relate to that has gone through the stuggles I have and gets me. It feels so good to know that there is someone who can relate to me and be there for me when i go through hard times. I love you girl, don't ever forget that. Best Friends till the very end.

Love,
Deana

3/27/09

Practically Amazing

Okay, so i am seriously in love with nature.
Its so- captivating
Its so- incredible
Its so- breath-taking
Its so- beautiful
Only an amazing creator could create things like these:

*All the pictures were taken by this girl- http://www.flickr.com/photos/jennybruin/. Love these pictures. They are absolutely gorgeous. Ah, I just love nature. :)