Still Broken...

Don't give them your heart,
They bend and break it,
Don't give them your mind,
They'll abuse and take it.

Don't give them your love,
They won't show you any back,
Don't give them your hope,
They'll shatter it fast.

Don't give them your time,
Because they won't spend any on you,
Don't let them break you,
Because to be broken is easy.

**I hate guys. Like really really hate guys. So much. :'(

Disappear

A new poem I wrote yesterday :)

Falling forward,
Catch my breath,
Going nowhere,
Falling fast.

Lost direction,
So unclear,
Subtle perplexion,
Disappear.

Happy Father's Day Dad <3

I know you think that I don't care,
I know I treat you bad,
I know I upset you endlessly,
But you still are my dad.

You make me laugh,
And comfort me,
You wipe away all my tears,
You've been here and there and everywhere,
These past sixteen whole years.

You treat me better than I deserve,
Every single day,
You uplift me and mold me,
I am a child of clay.

You instruct me and guide me,
You help me to do what's right,
You care about and protect me,
So harm is out of sight.

I'm glad to have you as my dad,
What more else can I say,
There's not another just like you,
And I love you; You make my day.

*Happy Father's Day Dad, I love you very much. <3

One Wish- To Be Loved...

So I guess I've been kinda down lately. I mean I just feel like no matter how many guys think I am attractive or want to be with me, it doesn't seem enough to heal the pain. So what if it temporarily makes me feel good that I'm wanted and not worthless to at least some people. It's a feeling that only lasts but a short while though. Even with all the compliments and sweet words that boost my self esteem, which you would never know it- but I have incredibly the lowest self esteem of myself and I find myself thinking I'm worthless or not good enough for anyone because it seems like every time I find someone who I believe truly cares about me, it end up being not enough or that I'm just not good enough for them or "not what they're looking for or want" or "it could never work".

All I want is... to be loved... to be cherished... to be adored... to be cared about... to be important to someone... to not be used and thrown away... to not be left in the midst of hard times... to be pursued honestly without thoughts of abandonment... to be wanted for me and who I am... to feel like I mean something to someone... to feel like I'm special... to feel like I have worth in someone's eyes... to be loved...

Is that really too much to ask? Love- It shouldn't be that hard. Why do people have to take such a beautiful and incredible thing and use it to do damage.

Why can't I be loved the way love should be? Why is it that every time I truly pour my heart out into someone and fully love them and give them my love and trust, that they break it or give it back because they don't want it anymore, don't want me anymore?

Honestly, It shouldn't be too much to ask. To be loved and treated right for once. Why is that so hard? I guess I'm just tired of feeling the way I do all the time, just waiting for someone to truly love me and mean it.

A Broken Mess Is Never Fixed

Build up a wall,
Don't shatter to pieces,
Don't let him in,
He'll just see your weakness.

He'll leave you alone,
He'll trick your heart,
Just to watch you,
Break and fall apart.

Single is the only familiar word,
Love is long gone and unheard,
Don't worry yourself though,
He was only another.

So stop playing games,
Because who are you fooling,
No one ever wants you,
Because you're bruised and broken.

Can you see that I can't breathe?

Look at what you've done,
The mess you've made of me,
I can't even function,
I can't even breathe.

I turn to so many,
Other things to fill me,
Only to leave me unsatisfied,
Empty and worthless.

Why did you leave me,
Left here to rot and die,
Bonded in my emptiness,
With a smile to disguise.

Just Another Poem :)

You pull me in closer,
I catch my breath,
My heart beats faster,
With just one glance.

Your eyes intoxicate me,
With just one look,
Can't get enough,
I guess I'm hooked.

You know how to make me laugh,
And even smile too,
Incredible and surprising to me,
That I got to meet you.

You :)

Brown hair,
Gorgeous eyes,
Captivates me by surprise.

Warm smile,
So sincere,
Stay a while,
Right now and here.

Amazing laugh,
So genuine and true,
I think I like that about you.

Glad I've met you,
What can I say?
You know how,
To make my day.

Satisfy

My heart is dry,
My face is numb,
My hands are cold,
I've come undone.

My hair- a mess,
Disheveled through,
Hours thinking,
Of me and you.

My hands reach for water,
My lungs beg to breathe,
Will you stay,
To satisfy me?

I stretch my arms,
And grab for more,
My eyes- they plead,
Will you satisfy and rescue me.

Her All Was Not Enough

This girl right here is empty,
Can you see it in her eyes?
She's sick of being used,
Her smile- a disguise.

She's tired of being lonely,
Has given up on true love,
It's always the same old song,
Repeating to be left unsung.

Rainclouds storm in her wearied soul,
Raindrops awaiting to fall,
She's had enough, she's done with this,
Because she gave it her all.

*Wrote this on the way coming home from Florida.

So Where Do I Go From Here...

Right or left,
Here or there,
Upside down or anywhere,
Left without a care.

Loneliness is one’s company,
Walls fade to a shade of green,
From another fading day to an endless night,
The words you said remain with me.

Confusion strikes with the blow of a hammer,
One mistake led to another,
A lie became impossible to forget,
So how can you ever leave this behind?

Shades of summer bring about another year,
But where do you even go from here,
Chasing dreams led to nowhere,
Only to leave me cold and bare.

A blue mug of coffee,
An empty room,
A book to delve into,
To keep me from remembering you.

*Also wrote this on the way down to Florida.

Her Empty Smile

Can you see her spirit drop,
Can you see her head fall,
Can you feel her heart break,
As she holds it in with a half-hearted smile.

Can you read her every thought,
Can you know how hard she falls,
Every time she sees that face,
The scars re-open and the wounds grow deeper,
Do you see how hard she conceals all these?

Can you feel the sting behind her every tear,
Can you ache with the tiredness of every sleepless night,
Can you feel the wall she’s built around her,
Can you experience the fear inside her heart,
Do you know she’s afraid to be alone?

Are you aware of the memories she hides beneath that face,
Are you aware of the pain when she walks into the same room,
Are you aware of all the salt that is poured into her wounds,
Are you aware that no one knows,
Truth is, she probably covers it quite well,
Hidden beneath an empty smile.

*Wrote this on Wednesday on the drive down to Florida.

"You Dared.."

I wrote this song a couple weeks ago like around the middle of May. I was struggling after a breakup and wanted to write a poem to get my feelings out because that usually helps a lot. Anyways to make a short story even shorter it turned into a song rather than a poem. So here it is, and I hope you like it :)

Verse 1:
A beautiful symphony,
You and me- a distant memory,
Things flood in and out of my mind,
You could have just left me for dead,
And I wouldn't have cared,
What you did to me was far much worse, but you dared..

Chorus:
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
Yet just one look can break me down,
And I am shattered, Oh, I am shattered

Verse 2:
Moving on, it doesn't feel right,
But you were a lost cause,
Why even bother to fight,
You had your chance to win my heart,
To patch me up and to restart,
Maybe I wasn't worth it,
Yet you still had the nerve to,
Still felt the nerve..

Chorus:
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
Yet just one look can break me down,
And I am shattered, Oh, I am shattered

Bridge:
So throw away our love,
Like you know you want to,
I'll suffer in silence,
Just like I always do,
As you, decide to..

Chorus:
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
Yet just one look can break me down,
And I am shattered, Oh, I am shattered

Chorus:
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
To carve your name in the core of my heart,
Just to rip it out and tear it apart,
And it doesn't even affect you now,
Yet just one look can break me down,
And I am shattered, Oh, I am shattered

A Part of Me

A warm summer breeze,
Rushes over me,
Is this where I'm meant to be,
Because I don't know.

I lost a part of me,
Quite significantly,
And now it's gone,
Is it really time to move on,
I'm feeling lost.

Summer sun and a cool breeze,
Reminding me of you and me,
It's just a memory,
Too quickly lost,
A fading dream.

Hope withers day by day,
Each night I beg and pray,
For strength now,
I've got to get by- somehow,
Just to breathe now.

Days go by with passing clouds,
Nights lit up by stars above,
It's so beautiful,
Do you remember me and you,
Because I do.

One wish to pass on by,
Take a breath and close my eyes,
It's really over,
But it's not the end,
I won't break, I'll learn to live again.

As I wait for you to come around, but you never do...

Say some words,
Break a heart,
It's all the same to you.

Curse my name,
Make me feel,
All the pain you want me to.

Push me back,
Far away from you,
Knowing or feeling no shame.

Tell me lies,
And disown me,
Even forget my name.

Finish me off,
Shatter me to pieces,
Just like you always do.

Because I'm sick of sitting around,
Not knowing or even caring,
Because what else can I do?

Done with being here,
Worn thin of just waiting,
In hopes of a better you.