Building Desire

Hold my breath,
Count to ten,
Hope to God,
You'll come back again.

Need you here,
Breathe life in me,
I want your love,
Don't go, don't leave.

Ache in my bones,
And dry in my heart,
Give one more chance,
A fresh start.

Internal Crave

I still want you,
I want you bad,
Don't know how to explain it,
I can't contain it.

My head is spinning,
I want you here,
I've been waiting now,
For over a year.

I know things were bad,
But it's in the past,
And I'd give everything,
Just to have you back.

This internal crave,
Is stirring in the depths of me,
Come back to me love,
You know we were always meant to be.

Fake Lies

Fuck you for your lies,
Fuck me for believing them,
Fuck the things you said,
And how I fell for them.

You were just like every other,
I was stupid to fall,
I was stupid to hope,
That we'd ever be together at all.

I'm done with guys like you,
You were a liar and a fake,
I was open to try someone new,
But forget that, screw you.

**P.S. If you read this dad, sorry for all the f-bombs I dropped. It's just how I was feeling and I needed to let it out. Please don't be mad!

Poison

You tell me you like me,
You plant all your lies,
You water the deceit,
Cloaked in your disguise.

You ensnare your next victim,
Unaware of the danger,
You slowly draw poison,
Dead asleep not to stir her.

Slowly dying intoxication,
It's slowly killing me,
Your appeal was amazing,
Now death encompasses me.

Fallen

You've swept me off my feet,
Got me dying to see you soon,
Your kiss- it was so sweet,
Under a summer moon.

I felt my heart beat,
As soon as I laid eyes on you,
Something I'd like to keep,
Something that could be true.

So sweep me away,
I'll follow you,
You've got me captivated,
And I've fallen hard for you.

Catch Me As I Fall.. <3

Starry Night,
Summer Sky,
See I've found,
A sweet surprise.

Instantly falling,
So fast and clear,
With just one look,
To hold you here.

Something in those,
Sparkling eyes,
Caught me off guard,
A good surprise.

So unexpected,
And so brand new,
What would you do,
If I fell for you?

New Sketches <3

Some stuff I've done over the summer. (Put this up for Becca! love you darling)
Anyways, hope you like it :)

The Problem

Rip my heart out,
As I sit and take it,
Tell me broken lies,
To cover and fake it.

Hide the guilt and shame,
Break my heart,
I wasn't ever good enough,
From the very start.

I'm sick of trying to please you,
When nothing I do is right,
I'm tired of being the reason,
For every stupid fight.

So put all the blame upon my shoulders,
I'm obviously the real problem,
Cause what do I matter,
When nothing can solve them.

Torn.

I hate all your words,
And I hate all your lies,
I hate being here,
With your fake disguise.

I know you hate me,
I can see it your eyes,
Don't pretend to love me,
It's me you despise.

I know I'm not good enough,
And I'm so sick of trying,
I'm so done with tears,
And I'm so sick of crying.

Two more years,
And you'll have your wish,
I'll be gone from you,
I know I won't be missed.

So save all the pretending,
It's no use anymore,
Not when I can see right through you,
And it leaves me torn.

Vulnerable

So what if I feel vulnerable,
So what if I'm weak,
What would you do,
If you had scars that ran deep.

What if I'm empty,
Misused in despair,
Left to be broken,
Without repair.

What would you do,
With a heart that can't be mended,
Would you cherish and love it,
Or abandon and bend it?

Still Broken...

Don't give them your heart,
They bend and break it,
Don't give them your mind,
They'll abuse and take it.

Don't give them your love,
They won't show you any back,
Don't give them your hope,
They'll shatter it fast.

Don't give them your time,
Because they won't spend any on you,
Don't let them break you,
Because to be broken is easy.

**I hate guys. Like really really hate guys. So much. :'(

Disappear

A new poem I wrote yesterday :)

Falling forward,
Catch my breath,
Going nowhere,
Falling fast.

Lost direction,
So unclear,
Subtle perplexion,
Disappear.

Happy Father's Day Dad <3

I know you think that I don't care,
I know I treat you bad,
I know I upset you endlessly,
But you still are my dad.

You make me laugh,
And comfort me,
You wipe away all my tears,
You've been here and there and everywhere,
These past sixteen whole years.

You treat me better than I deserve,
Every single day,
You uplift me and mold me,
I am a child of clay.

You instruct me and guide me,
You help me to do what's right,
You care about and protect me,
So harm is out of sight.

I'm glad to have you as my dad,
What more else can I say,
There's not another just like you,
And I love you; You make my day.

*Happy Father's Day Dad, I love you very much. <3

One Wish- To Be Loved...

So I guess I've been kinda down lately. I mean I just feel like no matter how many guys think I am attractive or want to be with me, it doesn't seem enough to heal the pain. So what if it temporarily makes me feel good that I'm wanted and not worthless to at least some people. It's a feeling that only lasts but a short while though. Even with all the compliments and sweet words that boost my self esteem, which you would never know it- but I have incredibly the lowest self esteem of myself and I find myself thinking I'm worthless or not good enough for anyone because it seems like every time I find someone who I believe truly cares about me, it end up being not enough or that I'm just not good enough for them or "not what they're looking for or want" or "it could never work".

All I want is... to be loved... to be cherished... to be adored... to be cared about... to be important to someone... to not be used and thrown away... to not be left in the midst of hard times... to be pursued honestly without thoughts of abandonment... to be wanted for me and who I am... to feel like I mean something to someone... to feel like I'm special... to feel like I have worth in someone's eyes... to be loved...

Is that really too much to ask? Love- It shouldn't be that hard. Why do people have to take such a beautiful and incredible thing and use it to do damage.

Why can't I be loved the way love should be? Why is it that every time I truly pour my heart out into someone and fully love them and give them my love and trust, that they break it or give it back because they don't want it anymore, don't want me anymore?

Honestly, It shouldn't be too much to ask. To be loved and treated right for once. Why is that so hard? I guess I'm just tired of feeling the way I do all the time, just waiting for someone to truly love me and mean it.

A Broken Mess Is Never Fixed

Build up a wall,
Don't shatter to pieces,
Don't let him in,
He'll just see your weakness.

He'll leave you alone,
He'll trick your heart,
Just to watch you,
Break and fall apart.

Single is the only familiar word,
Love is long gone and unheard,
Don't worry yourself though,
He was only another.

So stop playing games,
Because who are you fooling,
No one ever wants you,
Because you're bruised and broken.